I know summer's supposed to be great and all, but if it could end I'd be happy.
I've been going to the stable every day again, but I'm skipping tomorrow because I'm just so sick of how fake everyone and everything is. I'm sick of believing that people there actually care about me, because they honestly don't. I'm sick of how they all hate each other behind their backs, but when they talk to each other, they love each other. I'm sick of the fast taking away of everything I took as a fact. When Catherine hated Sam and they didn't talk, I knew where I stood. But now, they should be best friends. I've really been friends with Catherine for a while now and I hate to say it, but she's a ditz. Sam's the same. Complete stereotypical girls who measure your worth by your boyfriend. And I didn't want to believe that she's like that, but she is. And I think that riding the horses every day is actually making my riding worse. And I'm getting beck to where I was last summer. And I'm so stressed because my parents are away, and so trying to get there on Saturday for my lesson will be next to impossible. And Isabella wants to be my friend, she wants me to hang out with her in Davis Square, but I don't know. I'm not like her. I'm not a "rebel." Everyone who knows me knows that. I may listen to rock music, but it doesn't mean I have to act like they do. Because just because I listen to rock doesn't mean that I have to give up my future to hang out with a bunch of people who think they're accepting and think they're unique when they're really just following some rebel standard fed to them by society and they hate anyone who doesn't fit it. And Isabella will find that out about me if she sees me outside of the stable. I don't like to stand out. I just like being normal. And besides the people from the stable, it's not like I've seen anyone this summer. My friends from school aren't my friends at all, since we haven't bothered to talk to each other all summer. And it just leaves me feeling abandoned. But they don't see it. I'm just so tired and I don't know what to do except sleep and let time pass me by. Today was like a slight attitude adjustment and it's amazing how I can sit and be so mad next to two people who are supposed to be my friends, but they won't even notice me because they're too busy talking about Catholic School. And it's too much for me to have to deal with these fucking preppies who are afraid of private school. And it's too much to have to deal with a 10 year old who feels the need to show how extremely homophobic she is all the time. Gloria (the instructor) told her about how her best friend was gay when she lived in New Mexico, and the girl still kept talking about how dumb gay people are and how they walk funny and talk funny. But I can't do anything to her, I'm the oldest kid, and Gloria trusts me not to be mean to the littler ones, so I just told her to drop it. Of course she doesn't so I told her she doesn't want to live where I live with that attitude and it shut her up...for a while. And now Catherine's showing her little signs of homophobia and I no longer want anything to do with the city of Malden or any of the little snobs that live in it. And that's what I deal with day to day. I just cannot take it there. I just want to be me again.
Lately, I feel 
maggie - big-lauren - drea - the rabbit - nom - karin - katie - kitten-cat - priire - coru - menucca - sache - kirin - mara
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