"Do you know what it feels like, being alone?"
OK, so I've decided that each of my computers (Payton, Sierra and Luke) ought to get credit for the entries I type on them. So that's what the written on is all about. To find out more about them, you can go to the cast list.
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I'm still sick, but now it's really like a bad cold. I went to school on Friday but I couldn't talk. It was awful. No fun to not talk for a whole day. Sickness is the only really shitty part about winter.
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Tech is really tedious. I'm afraid I'm just liking it less and less. I think I'm just hanging on to it because I'm afraid to let go of it, you know? It's not like I do anything else. I look at people like Mary, who is a perfect student (never gotten an 80 in her life) and does all these things with chorus (she has a fabulous voice) and Dance Team (she's a great dancer too, she's in my dance class.) Plus, she does acting and who knows what else? And like YY, who is also a perfect student and who does golf, hockey and student counsel, and did science team, and countless other activites. I mean, those are the people who will get into the best colleges, who will get the best jobs, and all of that, but they're NOT HAPPY. YY is her parents' puppet, and they have really strict rules for her to follow. Mary needs to be perfect, she's not happy if she gets a 99, she has to get a 100. She was crying because she got an 80 on a quiz. A QUIZ. I feel really torn. On the one hand, sure tech is fun, seomtimes. But is it worth it, with a bunch of people I don't fit in with, and a lot of whom I don't even like? I always feel slightly off at tech, no one quite gets me, I don't quite get them. I love it, but I don't. If I dropped tech, though, I would have no extra curricular activities. I already feel stupid because of this goddamn Honors thing we could do that I was sick for the meeting of and decided I didn't have the time to do. I guess I've just always been the smart one and now I'm surrounded by a bunch of perfect people and morons. That's why Lit kills me, more than anything. Sam is so perfect that no matter how well I do, he'll always be better. And it's not like it should matter, because I shouldn't always need to be the best, right? But it does matter, somehow. I wish I could figure this all out, but I really just feel inferior to everyone, and I don't belong anywhere. People will try to group me with the smart people, but I feel like shit near them. People who are extremely dense and don't get things, even after they're explained 60 times bother me. Actually, I feel best when I'm around people who I can help understand. It's always been that way. It helps me get things to help other people, and it makes me feel wanted. Unfortunatly, a lot of the time I don't have those people around me, and it's killing me.
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Red Sox tickets for the regular season went on sale today and it was madness in Boston, as usual. I love the people here. I don't know if I could ever move away from New England. I love it here too much. Even if it's been freezing (literally) for weeks now. I love it anyway.
Lately, I feel 
maggie - big-lauren - drea - the rabbit - nom - karin - katie - kitten-cat - priire - coru - menucca - sache - kirin - mara
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